Last Updated on: 13th October 2023, 08:21 pm

How to Stop Your Divorce and Save Your Marriage

Getting divorced can feel like your whole world is falling apart. When your spouse first says “I want a divorce,” it hits you like a ton of bricks. You may feel blindsided, rejected, and overwhelmed with emotion.But just because your spouse asked for a divorce doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to happen. In fact, it’s very possible to stop your divorce if you take the right steps. With some introspection, communication, compromise, and professional help, many couples on the brink of divorce find their way back to each other.This article will give you hope, as well as 7 practical strategies to stop your divorce and reconnect with your spouse.

1. Take a breath and don’t panic

When you’re reeling from the shock of your spouse asking for a divorce, it’s so easy to go into panic mode. You desperately want things to go back to normal and will try anything to make that happen.But knee-jerk reactions like begging, pleading, or bombarding your spouse with reasons not to leave often backfire. You’ll come across as desperate and push them further away.Instead, take a few deep breaths and give yourself time to process the news. This will allow you to have clearer thoughts and communicate in a calmer way. Avoid making any big decisions right now.

2. Listen and validate your spouse’s feelings

Now is the time to listen, not to talk. Let your spouse vent and get their feelings out. Pay close attention to what they say without interrupting or getting defensive.When they’re finished, validate their feelings with statements like “I understand why you feel that way” or “You have every right to feel angry and hurt.” This shows them you care about their experience, even if you have a different perspective.Validating their feelings will help diffuse some of their negative emotions and make them more open to hearing you out later.

3. Take responsibility for your part

Your spouse didn’t get to this point overnight. They likely tried communicating their unhappiness many times before asking for a divorce.Do some soul searching and reflect on your role in the marriage deteriorating. Avoid blaming your spouse entirely—you both contributed in some way.Once you’ve gained clarity, openly take responsibility by saying something like:“I realize now that I haven’t been as attentive or helpful around the house as I could have been. And I know that has taken a toll on you. I want to understand how you feel and make changes.”Taking ownership will show your spouse you’re serious about improving yourself and the relationship.

4. Get professional help

Don’t try to save your marriage alone. Seek professional help through couples counseling or marriage therapy. Having an objective third party mediate tough conversations can make a big difference.Some benefits of couples counseling when trying to stop a divorce include:

• Learning new communication tools
• Understanding each other’s needs
• Pinpointing weaknesses in the relationship
• Creating a plan to reconnect and rebuild trust

A therapist can also refer you to marriage-friendly legal counsel if needed.

5. Rebuild intimacy and connection

Over time, it’s easy for couples to drift apart and lose intimacy. Make reconnecting with your spouse a priority. Plan regular date nights, share activities you both enjoy, and carve out time for meaningful conversations.Don’t just talk about the relationship problems. Also discuss lighter topics, share jokes, and reminisce about happy memories. This will help you emotionally reconnect.Touch and physical intimacy are also very important for bonding. Hold hands, cuddle, give massages—any positive physical contact releases oxytocin, the “love hormone.”

6. Make changes to address their concerns

Your spouse likely has concrete reasons for wanting a divorce—money problems, lack of affection, arguing about the kids.Ask them to explain their grievances, then work to address them. For example, stick to a budget if finances are an issue. Or be more present if they feel neglected.Making tangible improvements shows you take their feedback seriously and are committed to change. Just don’t overpromise things you can’t deliver.

7. Give it time

Rebuilding a marriage after a divorce threat won’t happen overnight. You both developed unhealthy patterns over time that led you here. It takes time and consistent effort to form new positive habits.There will be ups and downs and moments of doubt along the way. But if you both want to make it work, you can get your marriage back on track. Just stay patient and keep communicating.

In closing…

Divorce is a traumatic experience, especially when you’re still in love. But remember—it’s not necessarily inevitable just because your spouse asked for one. Many couples reconcile after initiating divorce proceedings.With compassion, compromise, professional support, and determination, you have every chance of stopping your divorce and getting your marriage back on solid ground. Don’t give up hope.