Last Updated on: 14th October 2023, 09:23 am

Is it Possible to Postpone Our Divorce Instead of Withdrawing It?

Divorce can be an incredibly difficult and emotional process. While some couples realize quickly that divorce is the right decision for them, others struggle more with the choice and wonder if postponing the divorce could potentially help save their marriage. This article will provide information on the option to postpone a divorce, things to consider when making this decision, and how to navigate the process if you do opt to delay your divorce proceedings.

Reasons to Postpone Divorce

There are several reasons why a couple may want to postpone their divorce rather than withdraw the proceedings entirely:

• You’re Not 100% Sure: If one or both spouses are still uncertain that divorce is the right move, postponing gives you time to carefully consider it without having to start over from scratch if you do decide to split up down the road. Going through counseling or trial separation during this time can help provide clarity.
• Logistical Issues: Sometimes timing just isn’t right to go through with a divorce due to finances, childcare, jobs, health issues, or other logistics. Postponing the divorce until some of these issues are resolved or more manageable can make the process less stressful.
• Salvaging the Marriage: For couples who still care deeply for each other and share history together, postponing the divorce provides a chance to actively work on the relationship through marriage counseling without the pressure of an imminent divorce.
• Children: Divorce can be especially difficult on kids. Postponing gives parents a chance to prepare children for the possibility and make the transition smoother if divorce does still happen.
• Holidays: Going through a divorce around major holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving can cast a pall over what are normally joyful times. Postponing until after the holidays allows you to enjoy them as a family one last time.

How to Postpone a Divorce

If you and your spouse mutually agree to postpone the divorce, the process is relatively straightforward:

• File a Motion: You’ll need to file a motion with the court requesting that your divorce proceedings be postponed for a certain period of time (e.g. 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, etc).
• Provide Reasoning: Explain to the judge your rationale for wanting to delay the divorce. This can include wanting to seek counseling, waiting until after the holidays, giving yourself more time to separate finances, etc.
• Set a Future Date: Provide a specific future date when you plan to pick back up with the divorce proceedings if you don’t reconcile. This gives you a defined timeline.
• Update Court: Let the court know once the postponement period has ended whether you will be withdrawing the divorce petition or moving forward.
• Restart Proceedings: If at the end of the postponement you are still getting divorced, you simply restart the process where you left off.

Things to Consider When Postponing Divorce

Before deciding to delay your divorce, here are some important factors to consider:

• Reasons for Divorce: Postponing makes the most sense if the reasons you wanted a divorce are things that could potentially be improved or resolved with time and effort like lack of communication, growing apart, financial stress, etc.
• Abuse: If there is any kind of abuse or toxicity in the relationship, postponing the divorce could put you or your children at risk of further harm.
• Willingness to Work On It: Postponing only helps if both spouses are equally committed to actively working to save the marriage through counseling, changes in the relationship, etc.
• False Hope: Be honest with yourself. Postponing only to realize nothing has changed later on could make the divorce process more painful.
• Finances: Postponing could allow one spouse to accrue more debt that the other would be responsible for. Talk to a lawyer.
• Timing: Be aware of any time limits on certain divorce proceedings that could impact postponement. Talk to your lawyer.
• Kids: Involving kids in an on-again, off-again divorce can be confusing and create instability. Consider their well-being.
• Remarriage: If either spouse remarries during the postponed divorce, it can complicate asset division. Some states prohibit this.

While postponing divorce can be the right choice for some couples, it also comes with many caveats to consider carefully. For guidance on whether delaying your divorce is the best path, consult with both a marriage counselor and divorce lawyer. They can provide professional insights on your specific situation.

Making the Most of Your Postponed Divorce

If you do decide to hit pause on your divorce proceedings, it’s important to use that time productively to give your marriage the best chance of succeeding:

• Marriage Counseling: This provides tools and perspective to overcome issues at the root of the divorce. Be open and honest.
• Communication: Actively work on communicating better, listening, understanding each other’s point of view and reconnecting emotionally.
• Romance: Reignite the spark with regular date nights, weekend getaways together, love notes, affection etc. Rediscover what brought you together.
• Finances: See a financial advisor to tackle money issues and develop a plan. Financial strains are a leading cause of divorce.
• Boundaries: Discuss and mutually agree on boundaries and expectations like friendships with exes, solo travel, social media, etc.
• Intimacy: Don’t neglect intimacy and your sex life. Make time to be romantic and physically affectionate. Let go of past hurts.
• Social Support: Surround yourselves with friends and family who support your decision to try reconciling and will root for your success.
• Self-Care: Don’t neglect activities and hobbies you enjoy individually to avoid losing your sense of identity. Maintain outside friendships.
• Kids: If you have children, consider counseling to help them process the situation in a healthy way and provide stability.

Postponing divorce will only help save your marriage if you actively nurture it during the delay. Don’t just hit pause and carry on as usual—make it a time for intentional growth.

Navigating the Emotional Side of Postponing Divorce

Separating but still staying married is an emotionally complex situation. Here are some tips for navigating the feelings that may arise:

• Ambivalence: It’s normal to feel constantly conflicted or change your mind back and forth about divorce. Don’t panic or make impulsive choices.
• Resentment: If one spouse wanted the postponement more, the other may feel resentful. Acknowledge each other’s feelings and perspectives.
• Trust: Overcoming infidelity or lies can make it hard to trust, even if you reconcile. Trust is rebuilt slowly over time through actions, not words.
• Vulnerability: You both will feel emotionally raw and vulnerable during this time. Seek individual counseling to process difficult feelings.
• Limbo: The uncertainty of postponing divorce can feel like relationship limbo. Find comfort in friends and family and focus on self-care.
• Disappointment: The relationship may still not improve even after postponing divorce. Accept that you tried your best if you ultimately separate.
• Relief: If you do reconcile, you may initially feel more relief or gratitude than joy. Happiness comes later as intimacy is rebuilt.

Postponing divorce stirs up a rollercoaster of emotions for any couple. Lean on your support system for encouragement, be patient with yourself and each other through ups and downs, and don’t be afraid to get professional counseling to cope with this challenging transitional time.

Making it Official If Reconciliation Occurs

If after postponing your divorce you and your spouse end up reconciling, there are a few steps to make it official:

• Notify Your Lawyers: Let your respective divorce lawyers know you have reconciled and will be withdrawing divorce proceedings.
• File to Dismiss: You will need to file a request with the court to dismiss the divorce petition. The court will approve ending the divorce case.
• Tie Up Loose Ends: Take care of reversing any legal changes made such as separation of assets or accounts, insurance beneficiaries, etc.
• Tell Friends/Family: Let your close circle of friends and family know you have reconciled so they can support your decision.
• Romantic Gesture: Consider renewing your vows or taking a celebratory trip together to mark the official end of this difficult chapter.
• Marriage Counseling: Continue marriage counseling even after reconciling to keep strengthening your relationship and communication.

Reconciliation after postponing divorce is a big step that you’ll want to commemorate. Surround yourself with love and support from those closest to you as you embark on this happy new chapter!

In Conclusion

While divorce is the right decision for many couples, others find that postponing it ends up being a life-changing move for the better. Taking time to be intentional about working on your relationship without the urgency of an imminent divorce can be transformative. That said, reconciliation will only happen with active effort from both spouses – postponing divorce alone won’t save a marriage. If you decide to delay your divorce, use the time wisely to heal together and grow closer. While there are no guarantees, for some couples, postponing divorce rather than withdrawing it provides the space to rediscover why they fell in love in the first place.